Today is September 5th, which means it is, once again, my birthday. Therapist has instructed me to make good choices today.
I believe the point of a birthday— or at least of my birthday— is a day to attain massive amounts of attention. This can happen voluntarily or by force. I had a plan for the latter, which is what prompted Therapist to tell me to make good choices. This led to a long discussion about what constituted a good choice. In the end, we both agreed that, yes, I should get more attention, and that my adult life has been a series of bad, self-destructive choices.
(It is here that the perceptive among you might be asking yourselves, “Wait, is she being ‘in character’ or not?” Indeed!)
One idea Therapist approved of was to use today— again, my birthday— to highlight this newsletter.
I started this newsletter in January of 2021 as a way to take some control of how people saw me, and to something that didn’t involve needing anyone else’s permission. Thank you to everyone who has been reading this newsletter from the beginning.
I’ve been trying to grow this newsletter— the content is comedic, but it is a serious endeavor— so if you’ve been reading it and enjoying it, please forward to any friends who you think might be interested.
Some of you might be asking, “What happened with the film/series adaptation of this newsletter ?” This is the question everyone should be asking! The ultimate goal is to turn this newsletter into a television series, but, in the short term, the plan is to do a mini independent series. A great group of people worked on the first film/episode (you can see some behind-the-scenes photos here) and we would love to make the second one (the plan is in place, we just need funding).
I really loved doing the film adaptation (it also made me sad and frustrated that I had not done it sooner and instead of wasted so much time doing things I didn’t like), but the business side of “getting it in front of the right people” has proved more illusive and, again, very frustrating. So if anyone reading this knows people in Hollywood or has advice on navigating the industry, please get in touch! And you can see a clip of the film here.
As far as other newsletter related projects go, in March of 2023 I debuted my Hollywood Haggadah, which features Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton, and the chaotic filming of Cleopatra. I am, of course, bias, but it’s really fabulous! I have been contemplating adapting it for the stage for a one-night only event. So, Theatre People, we should talk (seriously, if you work for a theatre company, e-mail me).
Earlier this year, I tried (unsuccessfully) to get Cate Blanchett to give me $50,000 to make a short film/proof-of-concept for my other television show idea, and used this newsletter as part of a portfolio, officially making Cate Blanchett the most famous person to not read this newsletter.
Here’s what she didn’t read (but that I consider real highlights):
I had heard that a spy balloon UFO had been shot down “off the coast,” so I decided to rent a boat. Would you believe that I learned how to sail a boat while trying to escape from Russian spies off the Sea of Japan. No, no one believes that. So the boat sank.
I figured I might as well continue telling Accountant about my business expenses. He said we’d see if there was anything that could be a deduction. I said I thought there would be since, professionally, people were always trying to write me off.
“Scenes from an Unfinished Movie”
A film to rival Cleopatra—in chaos. The best picture that could have been made, if not for irreconcilable differences and the insistence on legal accounting practices.
And here are three newsletters from this past year (in my life) that I particularly enjoy:
I Have Breakfast at Tiffany’s!
Plus, as a bonus, here is an early newsletter from 2021 that features some childhood photos of me: I Am a Spy!
Thank you for reading!
Victoria
