A Legend is Hatched! I am Still Like Barbra Streisand!

I’m the greatest star. I am by far. But no one knows it, despite me saying this to every person I meet.

A few years ago, I made a list of ways that I am like Barbra Streisand and, unsolicited, e-mailed it to everyone I know—after all, people are their principles. No one responded to the e-mail, but recently I was told by three separate people that I “do not have the personality to work for anyone,” so I think it’s safe to say that people received it.

Like Barbra, I’m the greatest star. I am by far. But no one knows it, despite me saying this to every person I meet. Every morning, I get up, look in the mirror, and say to myself, “Victoria, are you going to become more or less like Barbra Streisand today?” Then I think about what to have for breakfast. What can I say, the mirror has many faces. And the scrambled eggs I had for breakfast could have been better.

If you stand in the middle of my living room, you can see four pieces of art that feature Barbra. As my interior designer told me, “the options are: all the Barbras can be on one wall or there can be a Barbra on every wall.” I picked every wall since that way, no matter where I look, I am always pointing towards greatness.

Being like Barbra comes naturally to me, but it’s still important to check in and assess, after all, it’s easy to lose track of oneself what with the seasons changing and all. So, the other day, while I sat in my bathtub, ate a bagel, and looked at the misty water colored water, I thought for Barbra’s birthday— April 24^th, the most important Jewish holiday (she’s our holy trinity of “I’ll just do it all myself”)—I’d expand on my list of ways that I am like Barbra Streisand, and, once again, make it publicly available because not only do I write, direct, star, produce, and sing—I also have to control my own publicity.

A List of Further Ways Victoria is Like Barbra Streisand!

Written and produced by Victoria

* Barbra says that she thinks she’s criticized for being a perfectionist, since most people are scared to try too hard. I try very hard and definitely scare people.

* People say Barbra is impossible to work with. I am a workacholic who has never been employed.

* Barbra is known for wanting to be involved in every aspect of her projects. I have recently learned that telling other people how they can do their jobs better is not what most people would consider “small talk.”

* Barbra had an experience with a psychic before making Yentl. I have psychic abilities. For example, I know some of you are rolling your eyes right now. And now I know some of you are thinking “wow, I saw that one coming.” Yes, so did I.

* Barbra enjoys her garden and creates her own roses, including having a rose named after her. I have been told to “please stop trespassing,” and my name appears on many “keep out” signs.

* We have both not been given the credit or opportunities we deserve as filmmakers.

* Barbra likes to drive up the California coast in a pickup truck to see a different side of America. I once got lost in a big-box store in the Midwest.

* Barbra has a row of shops under her house. And my building says that, for legal reasons, I am not allowed to talk about the situation in the basement.

After compiling the additions to my list and having a snack, I thought back on my original list of ways I’m like Barbra, and decided it would be good to revisit a few points.

* Barbra and I both think artistic control is far more important than money or acclaim. I’m proud to say that I have complete control over this newsletter and have not made a cent from it nor gotten any acclaim!

This is still true!

* One of Streisand’s passions is investing in the stock market. Streisand wakes up at 6:30am to check the markets in New York. I, too, am a big fan of D’Agostino’s.

I’ve heard that it’s been a confusing time for the markets, so I’ve been checking on D’Agostio’s and Gristedes and Butterfield daily.

* Barbra and I both think everyone is entitled to our opinions.

This seems self-evident.

Since I made my original list, Barbra’s memoir has been released, which is the only good thing to happen to the Jews in the last few years. I thought I would share a few quotes, which deeply resonated with me.

“I always carry some food… because you never know when you’ll want a snack. Maybe it’s part of the collective unconscious of European Jew, because what if a pogrom came and you had to get across the border fast? You have to have a little something to eat until you get to the next country.”

“I looked around the room. No TV? ‘That’s it,’ I told Elliott. ‘I can’t be without a TV.’”

“But there was no such thing as room service in this place. How could they even call themselves a hotel?”

“Well, I thought that if he could direct, I could direct.”

“They thought I had a lot of nerve to believe that I could produce, direct, write, and star in my own film. (My own thought about taking on all these roles was, Great. Three fewer people to argue with.)”

“One of the perks of fame is that I’ve been allowed to visit many museums after hours. We went back to our hotel, and I went over to the manager and said, ‘Who’s in charge in this country? I mean, do you have a king here or what? Somebody I could talk to?’”

“They had lousy potatoes.”

I think all of you, my fans and people I signed up for this newsletter without your consent, are probably thinking “wow, these all sound like quotes that would come from Victoria.” Now, we all just have to work on getting me an Oscar! And some potatoes.

Remember: It’s not the fame or the awards, but the food you eat along the way.

Victoria

Here’s the original list:

And here’s a video version:

Ways Victoria is Like Barbra

Footnotes

Movies referenced: Funny Girl, The Way We Were, and The Mirror Has Two Faces.

It is still true the Barbra has an avenue of shops under her house, and it is still true that this does seem like something I would make up.

I have been told by multiple people that I don’t have the personality to work for anyone.

All of the things on this list are true.